i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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