I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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