a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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