sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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