I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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