i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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