Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
