he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Randomize
