she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
