Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
