I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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