I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
