What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize