You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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