if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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