his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
