We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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