Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
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