I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
