so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize