i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It's official drugs can't kill me
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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