the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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