Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
