I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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