3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
