I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
