My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
