The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
We named our party play list daddy issues
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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