i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
