Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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