So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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