i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
