dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
