Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
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