Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
