Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
