so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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