shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
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