My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
