Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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