There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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