In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
