I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
