jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
