This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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