you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
