It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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