My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
