i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
