Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
