Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
