My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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