He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
