If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
