His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
