shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
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