they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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