very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize