i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
