I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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