Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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