I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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