i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
