you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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