Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
where does the pee come out of this thing
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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