he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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