Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
